


From Death Brings Sadness and New Life

by timeforhideandseek



Series: Everything Is Falling Apart [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, FTM Dave, Feelings, Humanstuck, M/M, Medicinal Drug Use, Other, Recreational Drug Use, Sadstuck, Suicide, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 09:14:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3804937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeforhideandseek/pseuds/timeforhideandseek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave is a transmale with some past problems. His older brother is addicted to alcohol use because of a tough and hard life style. Dirk is Dave's oldest twin and he blames him for Jake leaving. Everything is Dave's fault and everything is going wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Past Is The Worst Part

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying a new thing, if you'd like me to continue please leave kudos.

The first time he stared at the facebook page, he was fifteen, and he was leaning back in his computer chair a hand over his mouth. His vanilla colored hair splayed out across his forehead and unstyled. The mess of his room overtook the darkened background. The only surroundings merely shadows in the light of the computer screen. His eyes appeared dark in that lighting but at the same time they were all too bright and they over took his reflection in the darkening screen. A sickening feeling filled his stomach and he visibly squirmed in his skin as a pair of eyes matching his own stared back at him from the picture he was staring at. The eyes seemed all too happy, so... Very happy and he felt an emptiness in his chest and stomach as if everything had been scraped from his insides.  
  
    A knock on the door interrupts the figure from his thoughts, hands fly up and place the shades onto his face and he shuts his computer screen off, getting up to go unlock it as the knocking gets louder. Only one person knocked like that, but at that point he was completely numb and the feeling that was in his throat before had all but faded away once he put the shades on.   
  
"Elizabeth..." There was slurring on the other side of the door as the blonde haired teen opened it slowly. There he stood and older man and a paramount of fear for the teen standing in the door way.  
  
"Yeah what do you need bro?" Shit the break in his voice did nothing for the expression that now appeared on the drunk man's face.  
  
"Are you cryin' over that weirdo again?" Came the question. "You know how I feel about him, he got you thinkin' all sorts of weird things when you were last talkin' " The eldest man stumbled a bit as he shifted feet infront of the Teen. "Elizabeth, you aren't still doin' that dumb shit are ya?" He questioned clearly not in the right train of thought.  
  
There was no response from the male which in turn earned an angered expression from the older who was clearly too drunk to function. The smaller blond tried to shut the door in his face and was stopped with a knee pressed in the way and instead of allowing him to push his way into the safe space. The younger began slamming the door into his knee as hard as he could.  
  
"Get out." Came a quiet girlish voice. "Get out... Get out. Get. The. Fuck. Out." The voice raised into a high pitched yell until the older male stumbled back and the door shut in his face and then locked once more.  
  
The 'named' Elizabeth shoved their dresser in front of the door along with a few more heavy items.  
  
The person then crawled into the closet and covered their ears to block out the yelling and curl up on themselves.  
  
Fuck. This. Shit.


	2. Swan Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is getting older. He gets a visit from two old friends and old emotions come back, but there's rejection in his future and things wont go as planned

    

   Your name is ~~Elizabeth~~ David E. Strider and you are nineteen years old. Today is your birthday and you are planning on spending time with your friends, well at least the ones you still see around every day. Your brother Dirk is actually inviting his friends to your birthday party for once; it comes as a great shock to you since you both don’t exactly get along or see eye to eye often. In fact, if you are to be completely honest he has on occasion expressed that he despises you for your ‘difference’ and you think that’s pretty cool because you simply do not care.   
  
   You get ready for the day pulling on a simple pair of red skinny jeans and your usual broken record t-shirt. You comb your hair and put on your shoes as well. Today is your birthday and for some reason you cannot help but notice the disgusting contrast of your body the way it is without any modifications made and you feel a sickening feeling in your stomach the same feeling you’ve felt before. It is an uncomfortable sight because of the gross figure you see in the mirror. A figure with bright red eyes and freckles everywhere, platinum hair like the color of white sand from a foreign beach that hasn’t been polluted and curves. Oh man did you notice the curves, but then again who didn’t these days? Your eldest Bro, the one who practically raised you and your fraternal brother, he always seemed to point it out when he was at his drunkest. _“Ya don’t understand just how attractive you are Elizabeth sweetheart.”_ He would murmur drunkenly at you only to earn a frown. It didn’t matter how nice your rack was, having a body like this only destroyed your self-confidence and made you feel broken. Quickly you removed your shirt and replaced the fabric of the bra with a simple binding, ace bandage mostly. It was the only thing Bro let you have honestly and if he knew what you used it for he’d take that away from you also. You pulled your shirt back on once everything was corrected and headed out to the meet-up location, everyone should have been there by now, or so you had hoped.  
  
   You were crossing the road on your way to the park, you hadn’t had a good long walk like that in a while to clear your head, when a real nice black car pulled up and just barely nudged your leg. You slammed your hands onto the hood of the car before you noticed who was inside of it. You expected Makara to come, but you hadn’t expected him to bring Karkat along. It had been so long since you had talked to the Vantas guy, but instead of acknowledging your old closest friend you decided to yell at Gamzee. “The fuck Makara, you been smoking and driving again?” You practically yelled.  
  
“The fuck can I say bro, I thought you would dodge, I mean I honked didn’t I?”   
  
“Gamzee you fucking idiot, no one can dodge a car, not even Strider’s dumb ass”  
  
A grin spread over your face as the two got out of the car after stopping it. You walked forward and held out your hand to give him a pound hug. You know one of those hugs where you give each other a high five and a hug, yeah that one.   
  
Karkat had his arms crossed over his chest and he looked pretty agitated he looked like he had just eaten a lemon a lime and drank some tequila all at once.   
You felt yourself lighten and made your way over to him. “Man, it’s my birthday and you are making the worst damn face, get over here and hug me.” You said trying to lighten the mood, your southern lilt coming out.   
  
“Yeah, yeah you are fucking getting old you shit.” Karkat responded pulling you into his arms and you felt your eyes drift shut as you carefully returned the hug for a few seconds. Karkat and Gamzee were the ones who had helped you come out of the closet about who you really were and without them you would probably have been a lot worse off than you legitimately are now.   
  
The hug didn’t last as long as you initially wanted it to but it was better than nothing and left you with a warm feeling in your stomach.   
  
“Let’s get this motherfucking party started.” Gamzee responded, looking around for a moment before pulling out his bag of weed. “I got the goods my inverti-brother.”  
  
Karkat rolled his eyes, but he didn’t protest. You buried your hands into your pockets. At least this party wouldn’t be dull.  
  
Some time passed and you and Karkat separated from the others with a joint that Gamzee had given the two of you to share. Of course Karkat took a few hits from it but he really didn’t want to take away from your birthday experience, you were pretty much the birthday boy after all and he wanted you to end it on a literal high note.  
  
You sat on the swings together and talked for a long time, he wanted to know how you were doing, but didn’t seem to like it if you asked him how he was doing himself. Which in the long run was fine, you didn’t really like speaking about your home life much either.   
  
“Man your brother still really is a giant shit stain.” Karkat murmured kicking up some dirt with his sneakers not even bothering to look at you.  
  
You took another drag from the blunt and held it in for about ten seconds before letting the smoke back out through your nose and let your gaze drift up. Yeah shit only got harder the longer you were in that house, but you couldn’t exactly leave with the crying and apologizing that Bro did, you had to take care of him, it wasn’t really an option at this point.   
  
“Man, he’s not so bad.” You murmured quietly. Karkat gave you this look like you were full of shit, but not much was said after that until you opened your mouth again to speak.   
  
“Things started to go downhill when I couldn’t see you or Makara anymore.” You admitted. “Dirk broke up with Jake and shit hit the fan from there on.”   
  
You didn’t mention that Jake had been texting you or calling you consistently, at that moment you didn’t really care, all you cared about was the boy sitting next to you on the swing set. Your childhood friend who helped you out through thick and thin and one of the people who defended you consistently and was your knight in shining armor along with Gamzee throughout all of the bad stuff and the teasing. Jeez shit was rough back then, well it still was; but things always seemed to get brighter, but only when Karkat and Gamzee were around.  
  
Karkat looked your way with his red eyes and shook his head at you. “You legitimately make the worst excuses for everything.” Karkat murmured and then paused.   
  
“But I missed you too.” Your heart flew out of your chest and into your throat as you heard him say that. Crap, feelings but they were good feelings, or so you hoped.

You stood looking him over and put out the blunt carefully with your fingers. Ouch it kind of hurt, but it was a pain you were pretty much used to by now.   
  
Your childhood friend was looking at his feet so you tilted his head up and kissed him softly, but he didn’t respond to your lips pressed against his and turned his head away that was when you knew you made a mistake.   
  
“I am really fucking sorry Strider, but I can’t.” He murmured trying to make it clear that it just wasn’t possible and you understood.   
  
You nodded your head.   
“It’s fine man, I completely understand. You just do you. I was glad to see you again.”   
  
Your name is Dave Strider, you have been rejected by your childhood friend and you feel crushed.


	3. Fake It and Drink The Poison-Everything Will Be Alright.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playing with fire can get you burned, or in this case playing with a certain English can cause some problems. Just drink the poison and fake it. If you fake it you can make it and eventually it will all be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this isn't the best sex scene I have written, but I tried my best. If you have any suggestions for what you might like to see, please let me know and I'll take it up with my co-writer and see if it's a good idea. Please do not forget to show your love and support. I appreciate every single one of you. -David

   You aren’t quite sure what is going through your mind but you just ran into Jake English on your way home and you have this feeling inside of you. You know the type of feeling; it is absolute loneliness that eats you from the inside out. Now you are fairly sure your judgment is not the best right now, considering you are high as fuck, but you clearly give no shits.  
  
   Jake is definitely confused by your actions but he doesn’t seem to be too opposed to it. In fact he offers to take you back to the apartment he is renting for the month. You think you are pretty alright with that.   
  
   A simple moment of hand holding leads to kissing. Some kissing leads to touching, the touching leads to more until he’s on top of you. It is obvious he is more used to handling your twin by how he takes you. How he pins you to the bed and murmurs awkwardly dirty things into your ear, but then he calls you beautiful and runs his fingers through your hair calling you Elizabeth. This bothers you, but you say nothing, maybe if you were normal for once someone might stay with you, someone might love you.   
So you let him have his way.   
  
   Your clothes are off in an instant and you find yourself doing things you never even accomplished besides some heavy petting. The way he touches you is so strange and you find yourself wondering what this even means either way your thoughts are taken away as he unbinds your chest and runs a finger over your clit to stimulate you and your body tenses and all together loosens back up. Your breaths fall out in deep sighs and shaky breaths. You are not here, but elsewhere and when he asks you to look into his eyes all you can hear is a raspy voice, deep and husky whispering things to you. All you can see is reminiscent red eyes staring into yours.   
  
The soft sound of someone calling out your birth name a voice that is non-existent in the reality you face. Without warning he’s inside of you and you do not even bother to wonder if there is a condom involved because you are too busy caught up in your fantasy world where everything is perfect.   
  
   It is soon over before it even begun and you blank out as kisses are pressed all over your skin. You pull away. You went in a virgin, someone who had never done something like this before but now you’re coming out a changed person. You are not the same as you once were and you want to change everything about yourself because you now understand that you’ve gone about this whole thing the wrong way and it took losing someone important to you for you to understand.   
  
   You fall asleep slowly and curl in on yourself, promising changes for the future. One step at a time and you can make it. Everything will be alright.  
  
  
   When you awake from your slumber you are a sticky, gross and disgusting mess. You pull yourself from the other male’s arms and make your way to the shower to clean up before he can wake up and even get dressed. You need to have a legitimate conversation with him. You need to get things off of your chest, only then can this thing work.   
  
   When you come back Jake English is completely awake and he’s looking you over, you sit next to him in the bed and he pulls you into his arms. “How did you sleep, Ms. Strider?” He murmurs into your ear. That is where you stop him; you are finally ready to put your foot down.  
  
“Alright, if I am to be completely honest Jake; I am not what you want me to be.” You respond. Jake doesn’t drop his arms immediately, but instead makes a confused humming noise. “Look, I do not want to be referred to as a woman. I have been this way most of my life. I even figured it out when I was eight that I didn’t exactly ever feel like a girl. Both of my brothers know and after what we did last night, I don’t expect anything from you man, but if you legit want this to work you need to take what I am saying into consideration. I am a male.” You clarify.  
  
Jake’s arms move from around you and a frown passes over his lips and his eyebrows furrow with frustration. “If I wanted a man I would have stayed with your brother. Good golly Ms. Strider it seems as if you are just trying to make things complicated, are you sure you are not just confused?”   
  
   Confused? You hate that word. You hate it more than anything. You have heard it all of your life. When you go out in public or just anywhere you really hated being told what you were. That was a certain thing you could not ever seem to stomach, it was a complete deal breaker for you.   
  
“I am not confused at all.” You raise your eyebrows at him before taking your shades off of the bedside table and move to stand up. “I’ll let you think of it I suppose, text me if you need me.”   
  
You left in silence this time. There was actually pride in your steps for once, you couldn’t be held back anymore or at least that was what you believed.  
  
   Your name is David Strider and you will be changing everything for the better.


End file.
